We Agreed Not to Have Kids but I Have Changed my Mind – Advice for Newlyweds

When people are getting married the conversation around whether or not to have kids can take many forms:

  • Agreeing to wait a while before having kids
  • Agreeing to have kids immediately
  • Deciding not to have kids
  • Agreeing to decide later whether or not to have kids

This marriage advice for newlyweds is for those who after getting married find themselves questioning their decisions.

It is not uncommon for people to agree to something and then change their minds later on. However, in this case, the change of mind can have a lifelong impact on the spouse as well. The subject of kids is, also, an emotional issue that needs to be handled carefully.

Talk to Your Spouse

Trying to change a fundamental understanding in your marriage is difficult so you need to communicate about it openly. However, before you strike a conversation on this topic you need to examine your reasons for wanting kids. Do you want kids because your family and friends are having kids and you’re feeling the pressure, or do you have an internal desire to have kids? If the reason is because you are feeling pressured, you may want to reconsider your decision.

If after a bit of soul searching you are still convinced that having kids is what you want, find a good time to talk your spouse about it – preferably when you are both calm and relaxed. Be completely honest with him or her about your feelings as well as your reasons. Speak calmly and clearly, be as detailed as you can and remind your spouse that you haven’t made a decision.

Ask your spouse what his/her concerns are about having kids. While some people are absolutely sure they do not want to be parents, others are afraid that they would not make good parents or afraid of all the changes that come with having a child. Knowing the real reasons behind your spouse’s decision can present opportunities for potential compromise.

It is not uncommon for couples to reach a deadlock on this issue. If you are in this position, consider seeking marriage counseling. A counselor will not only give you marriage advice for newlyweds but also help you explore the real reasons behind your decisions.

Unfortunately, this is one of those relationship issues for which there is no easy solution. However, you owe it yourself and your spouse to do everything you can to resolve it through communication in marriage.

http://ift.tt/1PJt7Vb By Mike Tucker